After finishing a coaching session and reflecting on the client and myself, I always conclude that self-awareness is the primary key to a happy and successful/fulfilling life.
We are living in weird and challenging times. The current guidelines of life are mismatched. It's so hard to navigate through the noise of life. Financial/economic uncertainty, the pressure of success and 'to make it', decay in our physical and mental health, social pressure from peers, etc. The list just goes on. As the world becomes more complex, the inter-tangibility of borderless friction helps us indulge in distractions, and we lose our peace.
To switch off all distractions, we tend to choose the easy path and bury ourselves in another distraction. Escaping from our emotions, we surf through Netflix, with our other hand scrolling through social media feeds.
This is the reality we have to accept and adapt to. Maybe even find ways to thrive in it?
Deep down, we all know that distracting ourselves won't work long term but already takes its toll on us in the short term. Mental illness, anxiety, burnout, stress, and depression are all terms that skyrocketed in Google search queries, and complex evidential data also points towards this.
Enter all the gurus with their self-help books and webinars offering redemption and fulfillment for $19.99. But these are all just another means of distraction—an easy fix for the symptom and yet another distraction from the underlying problem.
I remember talking with my mentor about the self-help gurus and asking him why doesn't he provide some kind of service like these "helpers" are but at a much higher quality. As a professor of behavior teaching at Columbia University and other prestigious European establishments, with more than 30 years of experience in clinical psychology and psychotherapy with clients, he has so much to offer the world.
But he always drew a rigorous line and explained that regardless of the academic background and the expert's methodology, the healing is embedded in the authentic and empathic connection between doctor and patient, coach and coachee, consultant and client. Being popular in an outlet and offering quick-fix and one-fits-all solutions are like painkillers of the soul. You numb the symptom and try to escape the reality of your personal and unique underlying issue.
An empathy-based connection offers the safety and intimacy for the client to open up and experience their true self. Realizations there are the bases for growth, understanding patterns, and developing the warning system that one can use to correct one's behavior and thought process.
Self-awareness can't be learned from books. It needs reflection from an unbiased, trusted person or a group. As humans (aka social animals), we need our tribe to enhance ourselves, become better at what we do and think, understand and become capable of articulating our emotions and grow as a human.
Self-awareness is a collection of skills, cognition, and understanding that add up and assemble into a personal and unique tool that can be used in all aspects of life. It's like a Swiss Army knife with all its foldable tools (screwdriver, knife, plier, corkscrew, toothpick, scissor, etc.). Each part is suitable for a different obstacle that life brings us. These obstacles can be challenging, but all can be executed confidently with the appropriate tools. The tools we acquire and constantly perfect with introspection throughout our life's journey.
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